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I made a poem

What did you think
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Mr.Insanity Avatar Lets all die! Joined: July 20, 2009 Status: Offline Posts: 813 Rep: PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 1 (4936)PIP Level 1 (4936)
I made a poem Old Sun Oct 2, 2011 4:58:23 PM #211064 Perm Link
The Things In Your Dreams

Once on a street of elm
Were 2 very different realms
When children slept
Adults wept
As all were swept away
So now I give this warning true
The nightmare might come to you........

By The Drifter & nandattebayo

Edited at Sun Oct 2, 2011 5:14:53 PM
There's a hole in the world
Like a great black pit, and it's filled with people who are filled with shit,
and the vermin of the world who inhabit it-but not for long!
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Armature Avatar La-Z-Boy Armchair Joined: April 6, 2008 Status: Offline Posts: 202 Rep: PIP Level 2 (3362)PIP Level 2 (3362)PIP Level 1 (3362)PIP Level 1 (3362)PIP Level 1 (3362)
(No Title) Old Sun Oct 2, 2011 5:02:23 PM #211069 Perm Link
The second to last line doesn't sound right.

Good job otherwise.
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Mr.Insanity Avatar Lets all die! Joined: July 20, 2009 Status: Offline Posts: 813 Rep: PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 1 (4936)PIP Level 1 (4936)
(No Title) Old Sun Oct 2, 2011 5:03:58 PM #211071 Perm Link
i know but its kinda artsy SORTA and i couldnt think of anything else plz rate it on the poll

There's a hole in the world
Like a great black pit, and it's filled with people who are filled with shit,
and the vermin of the world who inhabit it-but not for long!
Reply Quote Multi-Quote-Off Send PM Profile
Holmes Avatar Elementary Joined: May 12, 2008 Status: Offline Posts: 12821 Rep: PIP Level 3 (154536)PIP Level 3 (154536)PIP Level 2 (154536)PIP Level 2 (154536)PIP Level 2 (154536)
(No Title) Old Sun Oct 2, 2011 5:04:20 PM #211072 Perm Link
it is AABBCDD which isn't a normal format for a poem.

Image
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Mr.Insanity Avatar Lets all die! Joined: July 20, 2009 Status: Offline Posts: 813 Rep: PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 1 (4936)PIP Level 1 (4936)
(No Title) Old Sun Oct 2, 2011 5:05:42 PM #211073 Perm Link
Exactly!!!!
ever hear of Dr.Suess

There's a hole in the world
Like a great black pit, and it's filled with people who are filled with shit,
and the vermin of the world who inhabit it-but not for long!
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REGALITY. Avatar ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜ ᴍᴇ ᴄᴏɴqᴜᴇʀ Joined: December 5, 2010 Status: Offline Posts: 5190 Rep: PIP Level 3 (166781)PIP Level 3 (166781)PIP Level 3 (166781)PIP Level 1 (166781)PIP Level 1 (166781)
(No Title) Old Sun Oct 2, 2011 5:07:32 PM #211074 Perm Link
I love Dr. Seuss. Your poem is quite good.
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Armature Avatar La-Z-Boy Armchair Joined: April 6, 2008 Status: Offline Posts: 202 Rep: PIP Level 2 (3362)PIP Level 2 (3362)PIP Level 1 (3362)PIP Level 1 (3362)PIP Level 1 (3362)
(No Title) Old Sun Oct 2, 2011 5:07:52 PM #211075 Perm Link
In response to Mr.Insanity #211071

Said By The Drifter

i know but its kinda artsy SORTA and i couldnt think of anything else plz rate it on the poll


Perhaps:
So now I give this warning true
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Mr.Insanity Avatar Lets all die! Joined: July 20, 2009 Status: Offline Posts: 813 Rep: PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 1 (4936)PIP Level 1 (4936)
(No Title) Old Sun Oct 2, 2011 5:08:05 PM #211076 Perm Link
Thanks Charlie Space guy

There's a hole in the world
Like a great black pit, and it's filled with people who are filled with shit,
and the vermin of the world who inhabit it-but not for long!
Reply Quote Multi-Quote-Off Send PM Profile
Mr.Insanity Avatar Lets all die! Joined: July 20, 2009 Status: Offline Posts: 813 Rep: PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 1 (4936)PIP Level 1 (4936)
(No Title) Old Sun Oct 2, 2011 5:08:54 PM #211077 Perm Link
In response to Armature #211075
oooooo thats good can I use that?

There's a hole in the world
Like a great black pit, and it's filled with people who are filled with shit,
and the vermin of the world who inhabit it-but not for long!
Reply Quote Multi-Quote-Off Send PM Profile
REGALITY. Avatar ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜ ᴍᴇ ᴄᴏɴqᴜᴇʀ Joined: December 5, 2010 Status: Offline Posts: 5190 Rep: PIP Level 3 (166781)PIP Level 3 (166781)PIP Level 3 (166781)PIP Level 1 (166781)PIP Level 1 (166781)
(No Title) Old Sun Oct 2, 2011 5:09:45 PM #211078 Perm Link
Girl actually, but that's ok.
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Armature Avatar La-Z-Boy Armchair Joined: April 6, 2008 Status: Offline Posts: 202 Rep: PIP Level 2 (3362)PIP Level 2 (3362)PIP Level 1 (3362)PIP Level 1 (3362)PIP Level 1 (3362)
(No Title) Old Sun Oct 2, 2011 5:10:38 PM #211079 Perm Link
In response to Mr.Insanity #211077
idrc
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Mr.Insanity Avatar Lets all die! Joined: July 20, 2009 Status: Offline Posts: 813 Rep: PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 1 (4936)PIP Level 1 (4936)
(No Title) Old Sun Oct 2, 2011 5:10:49 PM #211080 Perm Link
idrc?

There's a hole in the world
Like a great black pit, and it's filled with people who are filled with shit,
and the vermin of the world who inhabit it-but not for long!
Reply Quote Multi-Quote-Off Send PM Profile
Mr.Insanity Avatar Lets all die! Joined: July 20, 2009 Status: Offline Posts: 813 Rep: PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 1 (4936)PIP Level 1 (4936)
(No Title) Old Sun Oct 2, 2011 5:12:18 PM #211081 Perm Link
oooo i dont really care?

There's a hole in the world
Like a great black pit, and it's filled with people who are filled with shit,
and the vermin of the world who inhabit it-but not for long!
Reply Quote Multi-Quote-Off Send PM Profile
Armature Avatar La-Z-Boy Armchair Joined: April 6, 2008 Status: Offline Posts: 202 Rep: PIP Level 2 (3362)PIP Level 2 (3362)PIP Level 1 (3362)PIP Level 1 (3362)PIP Level 1 (3362)
(No Title) Old Sun Oct 2, 2011 5:13:05 PM #211083 Perm Link
I don't really care
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Holmes Avatar Elementary Joined: May 12, 2008 Status: Offline Posts: 12821 Rep: PIP Level 3 (154536)PIP Level 3 (154536)PIP Level 2 (154536)PIP Level 2 (154536)PIP Level 2 (154536)
(No Title) Old Sun Oct 2, 2011 5:20:54 PM #211090 Perm Link
in the waking realm
all is safe on Elm
but when you go to sleep
you best not make a peep
when Kruger shakes your hand
you know your life's been canned
stay awake and your life is sure
but fall asleep and wake no more.

Image
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Mr.Insanity Avatar Lets all die! Joined: July 20, 2009 Status: Offline Posts: 813 Rep: PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 1 (4936)PIP Level 1 (4936)
(No Title) Old Sun Oct 2, 2011 5:23:01 PM #211093 Perm Link
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMNNNN DUUUUUUDE THATS FREEKING AWESOME

There's a hole in the world
Like a great black pit, and it's filled with people who are filled with shit,
and the vermin of the world who inhabit it-but not for long!
Reply Quote Multi-Quote-Off Send PM Profile
Holmes Avatar Elementary Joined: May 12, 2008 Status: Offline Posts: 12821 Rep: PIP Level 3 (154536)PIP Level 3 (154536)PIP Level 2 (154536)PIP Level 2 (154536)PIP Level 2 (154536)
(No Title) Old Sun Oct 2, 2011 5:24:02 PM #211095 Perm Link
I am pretty good at poetry, it is a gift, and a curse.

Image
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Mr.Insanity Avatar Lets all die! Joined: July 20, 2009 Status: Offline Posts: 813 Rep: PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 1 (4936)PIP Level 1 (4936)
(No Title) Old Sun Oct 2, 2011 5:27:02 PM #211099 Perm Link
why would it be a curse

There's a hole in the world
Like a great black pit, and it's filled with people who are filled with shit,
and the vermin of the world who inhabit it-but not for long!
Reply Quote Multi-Quote-Off Send PM Profile
Holmes Avatar Elementary Joined: May 12, 2008 Status: Offline Posts: 12821 Rep: PIP Level 3 (154536)PIP Level 3 (154536)PIP Level 2 (154536)PIP Level 2 (154536)PIP Level 2 (154536)
(No Title) Old Sun Oct 2, 2011 5:30:06 PM #211102 Perm Link
because when people do their own poems I end up telling them what they should have done to make it better and then they think I am a show off, so mostly I don't help others with their poems, then when we do do poems they think I am not a good friend for holding back.

Image
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Mr.Insanity Avatar Lets all die! Joined: July 20, 2009 Status: Offline Posts: 813 Rep: PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 1 (4936)PIP Level 1 (4936)
(No Title) Old Sun Oct 2, 2011 5:31:13 PM #211104 Perm Link
Oh ok then

There's a hole in the world
Like a great black pit, and it's filled with people who are filled with shit,
and the vermin of the world who inhabit it-but not for long!
Reply Quote Multi-Quote-Off Send PM Profile
Holmes Avatar Elementary Joined: May 12, 2008 Status: Offline Posts: 12821 Rep: PIP Level 3 (154536)PIP Level 3 (154536)PIP Level 2 (154536)PIP Level 2 (154536)PIP Level 2 (154536)
(No Title) Old Sun Oct 2, 2011 5:33:13 PM #211107 Perm Link
oh also when people make fun of songs It really upsets me when people mess up to rhyme, then I either keep my mouth shut or interupt and fix it so it sounds better.

Image
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Mr.Insanity Avatar Lets all die! Joined: July 20, 2009 Status: Offline Posts: 813 Rep: PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 1 (4936)PIP Level 1 (4936)
(No Title) Old Sun Oct 2, 2011 5:34:17 PM #211109 Perm Link
I see you should do some about the greatest piece of literature Alic In Wonderland

There's a hole in the world
Like a great black pit, and it's filled with people who are filled with shit,
and the vermin of the world who inhabit it-but not for long!
Reply Quote Multi-Quote-Off Send PM Profile
Holmes Avatar Elementary Joined: May 12, 2008 Status: Offline Posts: 12821 Rep: PIP Level 3 (154536)PIP Level 3 (154536)PIP Level 2 (154536)PIP Level 2 (154536)PIP Level 2 (154536)
(No Title) Old Sun Oct 2, 2011 5:35:38 PM #211112 Perm Link
the whole thing is a poem, it is an epic poem.

Image
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Mr.Insanity Avatar Lets all die! Joined: July 20, 2009 Status: Offline Posts: 813 Rep: PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 2 (4936)PIP Level 1 (4936)PIP Level 1 (4936)
(No Title) Old Sun Oct 2, 2011 5:36:53 PM #211115 Perm Link
Yes,yes-IT-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just like Nya cat loop for 10 hours

There's a hole in the world
Like a great black pit, and it's filled with people who are filled with shit,
and the vermin of the world who inhabit it-but not for long!
Reply Quote Multi-Quote-Off Send PM Profile
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